Ups and Downs

Today was a long day....full of ups and downs. I was off of work today for Spring Break, only one day off on spring break...but I will take it! It was a gorgeous day. I spent the morning with my mother-n-law and Charlie at the Antique Rose Emporium in Independence, TX. My mother-n-law is a local photographer in College Station. We dressed Charlie in his white pearl snap and cowboy hat and boots and she took some great pictures of him in the bluebonnets. She also got him in action as he toured the Rose Emporium. I will post pictures soon!
I met Paul at the gym early today around 2:30. It is weigh in day, and when I arrived and put my things away I anxiously hopped on the scale. The verdict was another measly pound. I have to admit, I was very dispointed. I know the weight is coming off at a slow pace, and that is good. It is just hard to swallow when I am putting in 10 hours a week at the gym and following my diet so well. I have also really let the "points" stress me out lately. I am so OBSESSED with holding on to second place, it was making me crazy. I guess I have never really had this freaky competitive streak before, and it has been a little out of control. I have spent so much time worrying and obsessing over Eaphrame's points...it really isn't healthy! When I walked into the Marethouse office, Paul knew immediately that I was not pleased. He assured me I was doing great, that I was the only competitor that has consistently lost every week, that was eating right, etc... For some reason, I was really upset. I was frustrated. I hate that I was feeling that way. I don't like to show that kind of negative emotion at the gym, when this opportunity that I have been given is something to only be positive about. But I couldn't hide my feelings today. I even had to swallow hard to hold back tears....what a loser huh?! My blood pressure was high, my pulse was high. Not good. The office was full of people, so Paul got up and took me outside to take some deep breaths and talk about my concerns. I told him that I didn't know why I was acting or feeling this way. I explained my unhealthy obsession with the points! I also finally confessed my biggest vice....diet coke. Paul forbid any carbonated drinks 6 weeks ago when we started. I conveniently have left it off my food journal each week, thinking that it really wouldn't hurt...no calories, right? WRONG. I felt guilty, I told him. He wasn't happy. We had a good talk, we agreed that I would quit the diet coke (starting monday...as I sip my 32oz...while I am typing). I am hoping this will help my weight loss. It will be a rough week, I will have advil on hand for the caffiene headaches, but I will do it. I have to. I have done all of these things that I never thought I could do, I can stop drinking diet coke. I dont think I was strong enough 6 weeks ago to let go of this addiction, but I am motivated enough right now...I can do anything. Paul and I also agreed that I needed to focus on ME...not the points, not Eaphrame, Sterling....or anyone else. He doesnt want me doing crazy 4 hour workouts. He wants me doing realistic time in the gym, a realistic schedule that I will be able to sustain even after this 12 weeks is over. This is a journey and lifestyle change and will not end at the end of the competition. I need to be forming habits that I can keep. After our talk, I felt much better. He has a way of calming me down. And no tears. :)
Unfortunately he punished me for the closet diet coke addiciton and put me through a TOUGH workout! But I did feel good after I left!
Ryan, Charlie and I met the family for dinner at Casa Rod to celebrate my mother-n-laws birthday. After my spirits were lifted, it was actually easy for me not to eat chips and make healthy choices and stick with my diet. It felt good.

Sorry for the long sob story....promise to be only POSITIVE from now on!!!!